I care way too much about what people think of me. Like, it’s borderline toxic the way that I care too much. I thought this was something that I had overcome, but it hit me today that it’s still a major issue for me. Any of y’all ever feel that way too? You feel like you’ve finally overcome something that you’ve struggled with, only to find out that you actually haven’t? It’s hurting me today, y’all.
I talked in the last post about the things I did to get my dad to love me. And since we’re being honest, I didn’t just do things to get love from my dad, I also tried to do whatever it took to make sure that people thought good things about me. I was labeled “the good girl” growing up. I obeyed the rules, went to church, said nice things, stayed quiet when it was called for, tried to keep the peace. I wanted to do everything I could to make sure that my reputation as the “good one” stayed in tact.
This was exhausting y’all. Trying to maintain something that doesn’t even really matter. It doesn’t matter that people think I’m “good” because in reality, I’m a sinner like everyone else. It doesn’t matter what others think of me, since someone is always going to disagree on one thing or another. It doesn’t matter if people like the clothes I wear, the things I do, the way I do my hair, or the tattoo I have on my wrist. Y’all. What matters is what Christ thinks of me. What matters is the way I’m trying to live a life that glorifies Christ. What matters is that Christ needs to be the only thing that matters to me.
And too often, I let what others think dictate the way I live. I’ve gone to places I didn’t want to go to because someone else thought it was a good idea. I’ve cut my hair because someone said it would look good on me and I cried afterwards because I hated it. I’ve backed out of doing things out of fear of what someone would think. I’ve lived too much of my life doing or not doing things because somebody else wants me to.
I’m just going to say it. I’m tired, y’all. I am oh so tired of living a certain way because someone else wants me to. Tired of making sure I do the right thing so that I can keep up a reputation that I’m not even sure even exists. From this point forward, I’ve got to stop living in fear of what others may think of me, but live in full confidence that Christ has got me no matter what. At the end of my life, what matters is that I used the time that God gave me to glorify Him. It won’t matter what outfit I wore to a wedding or the way I wore my hair to prom. What will matter is what brought Him glory.
So starting now, I will not be afraid. Starting now, I will do what needs to be done without fear of others judgments. Starting now, I will take a step into the unknown that I have feared for too long. Will you join me, friends? Will you start, today, doing things without fear of others, but with faith to know that whatever you’re doing Christ will get the glory? New things are good. Change is okay. ( I know, I can’t believe I said that either) Sometimes, the best things happen when we take a leap of faith. Will you take a leap with me?
“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubt is lake a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”
James 1:6 ESV
Beauty in the Ashes 